Where should you live during a Zombie Apocalypse?

Lego Zombies

Where should you live during a Zombie Apocalypse?  Answer: Around 20-45 minutes from Ottawa, to the South!

Surprisingly, (or not?), real estate is always on our minds.  I was watching a good ‘ol zombie apocalypse movie the other night, and as my mind wandered, I thought to myself, “self, where should I live if a zombie apocalypse happens?”.

Most people might think to live in a place with a moat and castle like this, but that’s not always feasible.  In all the years that The Oldford Team has been helping people buy and sell properties, I have yet to find a moat.

Here’s a 5 point summary of my thought process.  Granted, it may be a little biased given my knowledge of the geographic areas I service and my somewhat limited working knowledge of zombies, but I think there are some good points here:

1) Near the capital

As the zombie apocalypse ramps up, those in power will navigate towards decision points.  While any provincial capital might do, Ottawa seems likely to be a base for those people who are in charge to congregate.  By association, military presence and fortifications around the surrounding populace will hopefully be strong and quickly implemented.  As the zombie event winds down, decisions will need to be made about rebuilding.  Being near the nation’s seat of power might be useful as rebuilding action plans roll out.  The greater Ottawa area already features many military installations/bases around its perimeter including the famed Diefenbunker!

2) Not too densely populated areas

Let’s suppose (since we’re already supposing about zombies) that Ottawa, as we know it, falls or you can’t access its cordoned-off, militarized core.  Well, you’re still in luck!  To the south of Ottawa lies some of the most over-serviced and under-populated town centres that I know.

By leaving the city, you are avoiding the high-rise apartment buildings now filled with zombies.  The high-density living that so many city governments desire during non-zombie times will mean more zombies to fight in an outbreak.

One of Ottawa’s interesting geographic features is the greenbelt to the south of Ottawa that provides a nice, reduced zombie density area as you make your way south.  Bank Street/Highway 31 also provides a easy route to follow with clear sight-lines on each side to reduce surprise zombie attacks.  Travel south my friend, where you can find points 3, 4, and 5.

3) Well stocked

Did you know that in a 30 minute drive south of Ottawa, you will find Winchester Memorial District Hospital and Kemptville District Hospital?  Located approximately 15 minutes east-west of each other, the Winchester-Kemptville corridor provides major grocery stores, several bix-box hardware stores, and a full-service hospital in each village!  There will be a lot less zombies and other survivors to compete with for the resources here than in Ottawa’s hospitals and grocery stores.

4) Specialized knowledge people

Farmers, butchers, bakers, welders, gunsmiths, naturalists, and yes, retirees.  You might have some knowledge and ideas about how your going to survive the zombies, and heck, you might even have a survival stash at home of water, survival gear, and money under the mattress.  Eventually, though, you’ll need someone who has specialized knowledge in how to fix your jammed gun, how to prepare and cook that wildlife you want to eat, what plants to avoid eating, or any number of other specific tasks.

All the agricultural specialization in this area also means experienced tradesmen and welders, not to mention many giant tractors and other farm vehicles that are more-or-less the Cadillac of zombie proof vehicles….and you know who is driving them?  All the boys and girls who practice demolition derby driving at the local fairs!  You might be tempted to run over zombies willy-nilly, but these boys and girls know the strong and weak points of their vehicles to ensure maximum longevity.

What about all the retirees in the rural areas like Winchester and Kemptville?  Many of these people remember how to preserve food, live with less amenities, and live in a more self-sufficient manner than many of today’s typical city-dwellers.  We’ve seen some basement storage rooms during our sales of houses with enough preserves in them to last a family for years!  Also, who do you think has all the guns?

If you don’t have a retired, rural friend already, get one!

5) Community minded

If zombie movies have taught me anything, it’s that you won’t make it alone.  Small town Canada is full of salt-of-the-earth people ready to help and open their doors to those in need.  We’ve personally seen it time and time again during events like the ice-storm or house fires.


By the end of writing this list, I feel so strongly that the rural areas south of Ottawa are the right place to be that I dare….double dare…the zombies to come.  We’re ready!


Written by: Clayton Oldford, a person who sometimes thinks of these things.

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